One of my favorite formats for horror has always been the anthology. If you’re unfamiliar with anthologies they are usually a feature length film, made up of multiple unrelated stories. Usually there’s a narrator, sometimes someone listening to the narrator, and all the stories are usually connected by some thread or McGuffin, for lack of a better term, which either tie the stories together or there’s an external event which in the end complete the one “big” story. If it’s really good we get a “twist” that enlightens us to the event that was common in all the stories. The “twist” kind are extra fun as you never see it coming but when it does, you get that fun little “aha” moment.
Return to the Theatre of Terror is an anthology where we’re initially introduced to couple of pre-teens outside of what seems to be an abandoned and weather faded movie house. Seems it’s best days have already passed. The children are at the front door and attempt to force the door open but it won’t budge. Then one of the kids has a bright idea and says “Let’s go around back and see if we can get in.” As the eager child turns the corner of the building the front door suddenly clicks open a few inches and the other Kid still at the front door begins his foray into the building.
As the Kid makes his way through the dark and dusty lobby of the theater we see a hand come out of darkness and land on the Kids shoulder. Taken aback the Kid shudders but it’s apparently just the custodian of the theatre who challengingly asks the kid, “What are you doing in here?” The Kids eyes grow wide with mouth agape in absolute horror as shock registers across his face. The “Custodian” smiles and reassures the Kid there’s nothing to worry about. The Kids eyes, mouth, all ease and go slack. The Custodian then launches into a speech describing the heyday of theatres when the smell of freshly cooked popcorn wafted through the air. The theatre packed with excited moviegoers getting their final concession orders in and ultimately making their way to their seats. “Thems were the good ole days.”
The Kid offers, “I watch movies on my phone.” With his own feigned look of horror the Custodian then tells the kid how movies were grand social events where families, friends, lovers and loners of all kinds came to forget about their woes as they were whisked away into whatever fantasyland or monster flick was about flow across the screen. “You know in the old days the silver screen was really made of silver.” The Custodian picks up one of those old blocky robots and passes it to the kid. “Cool,” the kid exclaims. “It sure is,” the Custodian agrees. “That’s a collectors item right there son.” As the boy sheepishly attempts to hand back the robot the Custodian says “Keep it. It’s meant for children just like you.”
The Kid happy with his new toy. The scene shifts to the grand theatre reminiscent of those built in the 1940’s to 1960’s era. We are treated to an opulent wide shot of the venue and it’s truly majestic seating area. The viewing levels high and low, left and right with what appears to be a hundred or more seats filling in the various balconies and upper viewing area . I got a little nostalgic and melancholic being in a generation (X) where movie theatres were where everybody wanted to be on a Friday night or Saturday afternoon. The scuffling of foot traffic through the aisles and multiple conversations going on throughout the theatre. The hubbub of jockeying for seats. Then the utter silence as the lights dimmed and the projector cast it’s first rays on the “silver screen” where every head in the theatre could be seen tilted slightly upwards with eyes in utter anticipation of whatever was about to show.
I miss that.
The theater was truly magnificent with it’s art deco styling and smartly spaced lighting dimming as the movie began. If I could go back in time I think it would be 1977, Star Wars. To think I was only 8 years old then. There was nothing mysterious about Star Wars to an 8 year old child. It was the day this former child became a kid again. Current generations will never understand just how important movie going was to older generations. They were important social and familial events pre-internet and I do miss it. I should probably go see a movie at one of our older movie houses here in Portland, Oregon just for the fun of it.
As the theatre becomes engulfed in darkness our Custodian and Kid have eyes fixed on the coming attraction. The scene drains of color and becomes black and white. On the movie screen we see an old semi Victorian part old world masonry mansion with lots of windows as backdrop while in the foreground grand loopy letters announce “Tom Ryan presents Soothsayer” with “Copyright MMXX by Theatre of Terror LLC” smartly written across the bottom of the screen. An orchestral violin sonata wails as the producers names, gaff operators, keygrips, boom operator, sound mixer, musical composer and finally the players, flash across the screen in old timey script. The first of four main features begin.
I was impressed by the first story. It harkens back to the old days when the trope of a mad scientist was common. Laboratory filled with important looking equipment, and a man and woman smartly dressed in their white lab smocks. The dials and gears and multiple lights on “the machine” with plenty of levers and buttons to push made it all seem very scientific. “Today we make history,” the man purports.
The female lab assistant is seated in the contraption. A bulky helmet with wires out the back and futuristic louvered viewport completes the gear. Or maybe there were viewscreens’ inside. The scientist checks his test subject to make sure she’s comfortable. “Today we make history and invent time travel.” He tells test subject he would be the first to go into the future but someone needs to operate and calibrate the machine. “I can only send you 5 minutes into the future,” he tells his assistant. An explanation of power requirements ensues but the lab assistant is all in. She’s already in awe of the professor and is eager to be the test subject.
The Scientist starts up the machine, we see a bunch of old timey effects, and when his test subject is sent 5 minutes into the future, she sees’ herself passionately kissing the scientist. When she returns from her time jaunt she professes her love for the professor and they ultimately get married.
Some time passes and now the Scientist wants to let more people know about his time travel technology. He knows he needs to initially keep it very secret. So he enlists a protege who he respects for his time travel mathematical ability and invites him over to tell him all about it, and to ultimately prove that time travel works. It just so happens this protege use to also be the lover of his lab assistant, who’s his wife now. Dun Dun Dun…
If you want to know more of the story, you’ll just have to go and watch it. Plus don’t forget there are 3 more films in this anthology that I have not even touched on. Return to the Theatre of Terror is a fun little romp of a movie and the production, the acting, and the screenplay are all fabulous. This first feature reminded me of Twilight Zone episodes and I enjoyed the film throughout. If you have some time to waste and would like to check out this lightweight horror, I do recommend. it. It’s very much on the lighter side of things as far as gore and hardcore terror is concerned so will be fun for all.
A mysterious projectionist in abandoned movie house plays host to a young intruder and offers him the chance to watch four spine-tingling tales of terror on the big screen.
IMDb Synopsis
Return to the Theatre of Terror was directed by Tom Ryan. Written by Tom Ryan and Todd Staruch. Featuring Anthony Robert Gasso, Jim Thalman and Brett Eidman. Released in 2023 and IMDb gives a rating of 6.7. I agree with that rating.